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This year marks a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is engaged or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits indicating a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately extinguish any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {